Our Infertility Journey (so far)

This is something that I haven’t spent a lot of time talking about on my blog, but today, I’m going to open up.  For a couple of reasons.  1) This blog is to document my life and my family’s lives and that’s what I want to document,  and 2) I think that by getting this information out to my friends in the blog world, they’ll be able to pray for us and more prayers are always helpful!  There is not a single image in this post, so if you want pictures, you'll want to go elsewhere today!

For a few of you, this story is familiar, in some ways to your own journey, for some this is all brand new, and I thank you for sticking around to read.

Tim and I got married in March 2008.  We knew that we wanted to have a couple of children, but we didn’t want to start trying immediately, we wanted to enjoy at least the first year of our marriage without babies.  So, around the end of 2008, we decided it would be a good time to start trying.  I stopped taking the pill in late November and by the end of January 2009, I was pregnant.  Only one cycle into trying and boom! 

We were blessed with Cooper in October 2009 and have had the most wonderful time with that little boy.  I always wanted my kids to be about 2 years apart in age, I don’t really know why, but that sounded like a good age difference to me, so Tim and I thought we should start trying again when Coop was 15-18 months old (starting January 2011).  We tried for the almost the next year to get pregnant and then when I stopped getting my monthly friend (August 2011), we finally went to a doctor (fertility specialist).  I wasn’t pregnant, there was something else going on.  I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cistic ovarian syndrome). 

I guess I’ve had this forever, but turns out, I had let myself get so fat, that all of the symptoms of this disease came to a head.  When I was thinner, none of the symptoms had any effect on me.  And the doctor told me that if I lost some weight, that I’d probably go back to being normal.  But we also found out….. (when I was diagnosed with PCOS)  That due to some health issues  for Tim, there was no way that I could have gotten pregnant even when I was normal (All but August – December 2011).  He was having some hormone therapy that basically zeroed our chances. 

So we had to start over.  Starting January 2012, I did just that.  I lost 35 lbs in about 4-5 months and all of the symptoms went away.   Tim went on some different medication and he was back to normal too.  So we tried on our own for a few months then in July we decided to go back to the fertility specialist.

 I started clomid and I took an HCG shot that gave us the opportunity for timed intercourse.  Due to a couple of issues I was having with clomid, we only tried that route for 2 months.  In September, I took a different medication that does basically the same thing as clomid, letrozole.  And also in September we tried IUI.  We don’t yet know the results of the IUI as it hasn’t been long enough for me to take a test yet.  I am trying my hardest to not get my hopes up, because IUI doesn’t increase the odds that much, and I know God’s timing is perfect, and it’ll happen when and if God wants it to happen.

We are not going to do IVF, so if a few months of IUI do not work, we’ll essentially be finished with the fertility specialist.  Tim and I do not want to go as far as IVF, for many reasons.  I know IVF has a 50/50 chance which is really good, but we have just decided we are not going to go that far.

This journey has been rough, it has been painful and it has also been enlightening and wonderful.  During this road, I have been jealous of others who have been blessed with pregnancy, I have been excited for those who’ve gotten pregnant, I’ve been overwhelmingly disappointed when the tests come back negative, I’ve been depressed and overjoyed. 

This journey has brought me closer to the Lord.  I have a renewed spirit and I know now that His plan for our family is the best plan.  I have let go of the jealousy I used to feel towards others when they get pregnant and I don’t.  I know and believe that Jeremiah 29:11 is true.  “For I know the plans I have for you,”  declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  I no longer have depression about my situation.  There is still disappointment for a negative test, but I do not let it get me down for long.  I am truly at peace with my life.  If we aren’t blessed with another child, I will be OK. 

I have a smart, well rounded, Jesus loving child, who means the world to me.  I have a God fearing, gentle, caring and loving husband for whom my love grows deeper every day.  I am so blessed and appreciative for what I have been given.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!