Accountability & Being "Emily"

Yesterday, I talked about how I wanted to find more time for things some things I've put on the back burner in the recent past, including blogging, exercising etc.

What I didn't really go into though, is all of the feelings I have been having lately.  First and foremost, Who am I?  That may seem silly to ask that question, but honestly, the more and more I think about who I am, the less I like myself.  I know that overall, I am a good person, but how do I identify myself?  I'm Tim's wife, Cooper & Katy's mom, I love Jesus, and I'm a step-mom, daughter, Mimi and then some.  The problem?  Well, I don't really know who Emily is without all of the other people to identify me.  I have interests, things I like to do, things that make me feel good, and people I like to talk to - but it seems while Katy has been an infant, I've lost many of those things.  

I want them back.  NOW.  I want to take control of my life, and demand that I be taken care of by myself, my husband and my kids.  I'm not asking for them to cater to my every need, but a bit of time to myself for me once a week would be good.  I know not every week will there be time for me to have "me" time, but I need it.  I think everyone needs it.  

So I plan to get my butt out of bed at 5:30 or earlier in the mornings and get on the dreadmill.... I did it today, and even though it's just one day, it felt like old hat.  I was in the habit of waking at 5:30 to go running before I got pregnant with Katy, and now, I'm going to do that again.  I'm going to get back in the habit of rising and exercising.  It sure makes the entire day seem more enjoyable/rewarding.  

I plan to start eating healthier, at least better than I have been.  I did great during the cleanse, and for a couple of weeks after that it continued, but in the last couple of weeks, it's not been great.  I need to fix that.  I want to plan meals, and do some major meal prepping on Sundays.  

I plan to get back to regular church attendance.  I need to go to church.  I cannot just read the word a few days a week and not do something more.  The kids need to go to church too, and now that Kate is one, I feel better about leaving her in the nursery.  

I have big plans, and what I need, is you, the people reading this blog, to help hold me accountable.  Can you help me accomplish these plans?

Time

I'm not sure where my time goes.  I feel like overall, I don't really waste that much time, but honestly, I have said it time and time again, I cannot keep up.  I don't even want to compare myself to some people who can accomplish so much more than me in the same amount of time.  That would just make me feel even more like a slacker!

Life lately has been more work, more baseball, more kids stuff, more family stuff, and less everything else.  Including blogging.  I really want to make this hobby of mine a bigger priority in my life.  I want to make exercise a bigger priority also.  I'm just so darn tired by the time those kiddos go to bed that all I want to do is finish my normal tasks and go to bed.  Exercise will give me more energy though, so I need to make it a priority and GET UP in the mornings.  I used to do it.  Why is it so difficult for me now?  

I haven't even written up a post about Cooper's tball yet.  Nor have I written about Katy's 1st birthday party or the fact that she is now 12 months.  Someday, right?  Hopefully sooner rather than later.

This past weekend we were out of town for our niece's high school graduation.  This week will be semi busy, tonight is Tim's final high school baseball game for the regular high school baseball season.  Tomorrow night I hope to visit with Bill, Mary, Erica and Mel.  Wednesday or Thursday I need to grocery shop, We have nothing scheduled for Friday and the only big plans for the weekend (so far) are dinner with friends Saturday night and church on Sunday.  

I'm going to *try* to get my butt up tomorrow morning and walk on the dreaded treadmill.  It's not everything I want to do, but it's a start, right?  I need to start somewhere.  

I'm not really sure why I'm writing all or any of this, but I need something to get me going, to get my rear in gear.  So, maybe, just maybe, posting this out in cyberspace will kick me up a notch, in exercise, productivity and potentially energy?  I'm sick of being a slug, it's time to start living and doing.