Fears

I’m fearful.  I’m excited, but fearful.  This baby is going to be here in the next couple of weeks, and to be honest, it scares me to death.  I have so many crazy, unfounded worries and fears that I really haven’t discussed with anyone. 

I worry.  I assume that most second time mothers have these worries and fears, or something close to it. 

I worry about how we’ll all adjust to a new baby in our house.

I worry about having a girl, I am used to having a boy, and he’s a stubborn thing, but I understand him.  I understand his love of all things sports, his need to be tough and fight with his daddy, and how he’s all boy.  What will it be like to have a girl around?  What if she’s a girly girl and likes playing with Barbies?  Whatever will I do?  I didn’t like Barbies as a child and cannot imagine having to play with them as an adult……

I worry about Cooper. 

He is such a good boy 99% of the time, will that change for the better, or worse or not at all? 

I worry about how Cooper is going to deal with not being the complete center of attention. 

I worry about spending enough quality time with him.  At least not as much as he’s used to.

I worry about how he’ll deal with mommy and daddy being in the hospital with a new baby while he is at home with Nana or at Steph’s house.

I think of how much I’m going to miss him for the few days that I’ll be in the hospital.  I worry that he will be okay and I won’t.

I worry about getting postpartum depression again.  It was horrible with Cooper.  I didn’t even realize I had it, I was crazy, looking back that’s definitely what it was, but at the time, I had no idea.  I will absolutely be asking for medicine if I have that this time.

I worry about being able to keep up with two kids.  About making sure the laundry is done, the house is livable, and that we are all fed, bathed and taken care of the way we are today.  I worry about being spread too thin.

I worry about loving another child as much as I love Cooper.  I’ve discussed this with a few other moms and they all say about the same thing, your heart grows, and you love your second child as much as your first.  I am sure they are right, I still fear that for some reason this baby girl will never measure up to my Cooper.  In the end?  I know she will.  She will fill my heart with as much love as he does!

I realize that my fears and my worries are for not, that everything will work out the way it should.  That we will have our rough times, but we’ll be happy more often that we aren’t.  We’ll grow as a family – not only in number, but in love and in happiness.  We will not only survive, we will thrive.  Cooper will be fine.  He will have to adjust, as we all will.  His adjustments may be difficult on him, but he will be a wonderful big brother.  I have no doubt. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11

I will keep this verse in mind throughout the next few weeks and through our adjustment period as a growing family.  There will be sleepless nights and difficult days, but each one is for a reason, and I trust in God and depend on him to show us the way.