What I didn't really go into though, is all of the feelings I have been having lately. First and foremost, Who am I? That may seem silly to ask that question, but honestly, the more and more I think about who I am, the less I like myself. I know that overall, I am a good person, but how do I identify myself? I'm Tim's wife, Cooper & Katy's mom, I love Jesus, and I'm a step-mom, daughter, Mimi and then some. The problem? Well, I don't really know who Emily is without all of the other people to identify me. I have interests, things I like to do, things that make me feel good, and people I like to talk to - but it seems while Katy has been an infant, I've lost many of those things.
I want them back. NOW. I want to take control of my life, and demand that I be taken care of by myself, my husband and my kids. I'm not asking for them to cater to my every need, but a bit of time to myself for me once a week would be good. I know not every week will there be time for me to have "me" time, but I need it. I think everyone needs it.
So I plan to get my butt out of bed at 5:30 or earlier in the mornings and get on the dreadmill.... I did it today, and even though it's just one day, it felt like old hat. I was in the habit of waking at 5:30 to go running before I got pregnant with Katy, and now, I'm going to do that again. I'm going to get back in the habit of rising and exercising. It sure makes the entire day seem more enjoyable/rewarding.
I plan to start eating healthier, at least better than I have been. I did great during the cleanse, and for a couple of weeks after that it continued, but in the last couple of weeks, it's not been great. I need to fix that. I want to plan meals, and do some major meal prepping on Sundays.
I plan to get back to regular church attendance. I need to go to church. I cannot just read the word a few days a week and not do something more. The kids need to go to church too, and now that Kate is one, I feel better about leaving her in the nursery.
I have big plans, and what I need, is you, the people reading this blog, to help hold me accountable. Can you help me accomplish these plans?
2 comments :
I struggle with this too. I forget what it's like to be myself because I put everyone else first. In addition to getting healthier, I think i might start reading again. I don't have the time but it's something I love to do.
I'm here for you Em! Finding time for personal pursuits is a constant struggle for me too; I feel like it's enhanced since W stays at home too! You can do this. I'm up at 5am (most days!) writing, so if you want a text budy, we can exchange phone #'s!
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